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California Seeks New Answers in Drought Struggle

Governor “Moonbeam” Brown announced that he would tap the skills of former Governor Davis to lead the state’s drought initiatives. Waiting at the State Capitol for an Uber connection, Brown enthused that the state needed a “Gray Water Czar.”

This blogger has obtained papers outlining the nascent strategy. In a “farms for schools” swap, teachers unions have agreed to convince students to shave their heads. The schools would be credited with 15 gallons of water per bald student per day, reflecting both the water saved in the shower and the decreased chemical load on treatment facilities. These credits would be traded on a state-wide water exchange to raise money for education.

Davis and his advisors, observing the success of the California Raisins and Dairy Cow marketing campaigns, have licensed the “Cabbage Patch Kids” trademark and reserved the #BaldEagles hashtag for shaming of non-participants. Recognizing that more extreme measures may be necessary if the drought conditions prevail as the children age, the Czar’s office has entered into negotiations for the rights to the “Arid Extra Dry” trademark and is planning to register “Seche Pistols.”

In related news, in the St. Louis area, former energy traders have pooled their resources to fund a water exchange. In honor of the profit potential created by California’s two most famous governors – one famously libertarian and the other famously forward-thinking – the concern will be called “MoRon.”

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