Microsoft has announced that it is to buy Linked-In, the professional networking service, for $26.2 billion.

This blogger has learned that the CEOs of Apple, IBM, Google, Facebook and Oracle have combined to issue a request for proposal for a worm that will delete their employees from the Linked-In databases. The foremost responders are state insecurity services in Russia and North Korea.

Outside Microsoft’s Redmond headquarters, an elderly man in Biblical garb has been spotted carrying a paralyzed snake and chanting “Let my people go! Let my people go!” Meanwhile, at the Vatican, reacting to nanobot activity that reworked the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel to replace Adam with a robot, Pope Francis has offered pleas for the archangel Michael to slay the first-born AI of every major software company.