Home » Personal » Trump Ratings Soar on Rewrite of Iran Deal

Trump Ratings Soar on Rewrite of Iran Deal

In a majestic coup that recasts real estate deal-making finesse as international diplomacy, the Donald announced today that his mediation of negotiations between the “First Birther” and “Ayatollah Satani” had brought a “permanent solution” to the political ills of both nations. “Never send a bicyclist up against a camel trader. I’ve tossed that Kerry-on baggage.”

The deal pivots around the repurposing of Iran’s nuclear weapons complex (encompassing all of its nuclear enrichment centrifuges and several ICBMs concealed as Teherani mosque minarets) for creation of a Muslim-themed Kenyan resort complex, “ObamaIslama.” Both Obama and Khamenei have announced their intentions to retire from public life to take on wildlife conservation roles at the facility.

“I hear there are plenty of monkeys in Kenya,” Trump offered, speaking of Mr. Obama. And as regards Khamenei, Trump admitted that “He’s got a somewhat different idea of ‘wild life.’ Anyone know where I can find a steady supply of virgins? Wait – scratch that thought. I’ll talk to the producers of ‘The Apprentice.'”

Trump’s thunderous oration pre-empts the surprise announcement planned for the POTUS visit to Kenya. The White House admitted that an elite Seal squad had been sent to take down the media center at Trump Towers, hoping against hope that Trump would be chastened into honoring executive privilege. Speaking for the President, Josh Earnest credited the sartorial celerity of Trump’s hair stylist. “They just got the announcement off way earlier than we thought they would.”

Republican lawmakers on Capital Hill could not be reached by cell phone.

5 thoughts on “Trump Ratings Soar on Rewrite of Iran Deal

  1. I think that is among the such a lot important information for me.
    And i am glad reading your article. However should commentary
    on few normal issues, The website style is great, the
    articles is in reality great : D. Just right job, cheers

    • Thanks for the kind words Krystal. Please understand that this particular post should not be taken at all seriously. Although many of the things I pretend Trump said sound a lot like things that he does actually say, it’s meant as a joke. Nothing should be taken as actually reflecting on the other people I mention.

  2. Pingback: The Real Deal: Towering Ambition on Mars | everdeepening

  3. Hello there I am so glad I found your site, I really found you by accident, while I was looking on Bing for something else, Regardless
    I am here now and would just like to say kudos for a marvelous post and a all
    round entertaining blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to browse it
    all at the minute but I have bookmarked it and also included your RSS feeds, so when I
    have time I will be back to read a lot more,
    Please do keep up the superb work.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s