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The Real Deal: Towering Ambition on Mars

Having seen the Trump stump rhetoric on the Iran nuclear deal evolve as predicted in earlier de-porting (as “re”-porting is to offer again the truth, “de”-porting must be to claw it back), this blogger was emboldened to follow the communications links that tie the Trump real-estate empire to the Iranian mullahs. New revelations expose the growth of the Trump ego from global to interplanetary dimensions.

With suspicions (and hackles) raised by Trump’s refusal to promise to place his holdings in blind trust, records of real estate transactions in the Washington, D.C. area were examined to expose the true cause of the Chinese stock-market crash: profit-taking by Chinese investors buying up huge swaths of the Washington landscape. It appears that Trump has arranged for multi-billion dollar Chinese support for his PAC with promises to lift the height limitation on Capitol Hill development, which by federal law is constrained by the cap of the Washington Monument.

In fact, PR documents in development attempt to paint the Monument itself as a hidden Iranian ICBM, similar to those revealed to have been concealed in the minarets of Iranian mosques. The Monument is slated for demolition during Trump’s first hundred days in office, to be followed immediately by construction of a huge Trump Tower complex on the Capitol Mall.

As if that was not sufficient outrage, it appears that the pull-back of the Obama-Islama resort complex announcement in Kenya is related to plans for Mars hinted at in a bizarre exchange between Elon Musk and Stephen Colbert on the late show. Mr. Musk suggested that Mars might be made habitable by liberating water and carbon dioxide trapped in polar crust using nuclear explosions.

It appears that Mr. Trump has promised to have NASA let a contract to SpaceX, the private rocket company owned by Mr. Musk, to design and construct a system to relocate the Iranian uranium enrichment complex to Mars. Rather than launching nuclear missiles from earth to Mars, the bombs will be manufactured on Mars itself using the transplanted Iranian machinery.

As a quid-pro-quo, the Republican majority in both houses of Congress will be expected to grant to Trump right of first refusal on all development deals as habitable terrain evolves on Mars. Support for the legislation is expected to be sealed with authorization of a “climate change exchange” that will allow fossil fuel companies holding land on both planets to average hot days on Earth against cold days on Mars.

In related news, the Bush nominating campaign is targeting a narrow climate-conscious fringe of the Republican party with a study of the correlation between local temperatures and Trump campaign rhetoric.

This blogger awaits further developments with basted breath.

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