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Decrescendo

For the last two years, I have had my head “catch on fire” in Catholic services when the congregation sings:

Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

Today was different. After finishing Sera Beak’s Red, Hot and Holy, I perceive a pathway out of annihilation – to offer destructive personalities the option of surrender through the Divine Feminine for rebirth on another planet.

That still left me scratching my head and wondering why I’m going about it this way. The only hint comes from the practices that governed access to the Holy of Holies during the years in the Desert. The High Priest would prepare himself carefully for his annual encounter, lest he corrupt the energies within and bring ruin upon the people.

So what rules apply to those in the vicinity of events that bend the tide of history? We find some clues in the Bible: only John stood at Calvary with Christ, and only he died a natural death. Was it the will of Christ that the others suffer as he did, or was it their guilt that fed into the stream he forged through time? And what of Mary Magdalene, obviously deeply in love with Jesus, who was warned “Do not cling to me!” Raised to believe that the Messiah would rule as king, how would she not have been dreaming of bearing his child, and securing eternal peace for her people? What would have become of those dreams, cast into the river of Jesus’s will, in the circuit of time that leads from the cross to judgment day and back again?

And what of all those, such as Judas and Pilate, who saw themselves as pawns caught up in events beyond their control? Tied in remembrance and spirit to their cowardice and treason, would they have injected rationalizations of their virtue into the stream of time, attempting to bend it to their own benefit?

One way to deal with that pollution is to confront them with the same choices under circumstances that ensure they won’t face any personal threat (either material or spiritual) from either choice. It is to say to them, in effect: “You didn’t understand the weight of the decisions you were making. Now you do. Well, do you wish to participate or withdraw?”

In my particular case, they are all withdrawing, which liberates me from codependency. I think that I’ve given the last of them their freedom. It’s time to rest, heal from the pathologies they bred in me, and prepare myself for the work to come.

As for this audience: I think that this has actually been a tool for expanding my radar. It may have served its purpose.

It’s amazing. After all the strain and passion, I finally feel peace, alone here in my “nation of one”, as a Jewish elder characterized me one night in a dream.

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