When I flew out to the Strawberry Festival in February, in the early afternoon before Lauren’s concert, I was led by her heart into visions of the crucifixion. Waves of compassion washed over me as she sought a path to healing of that violation.
What a beautiful promise, beloved. But that experience belongs to an era that is coming to a close.
The mechanisms of that transition are evident in the construction of reality that I elaborated in “Mass and the Structure of the Void.” Time is permeated by a personality – the Christian God of Unconditional Love – that seeks to empower mutually fulfilling relationships. Seeking to avoid change, selfish personalities bound themselves to space, creating the material experience. The effort was self-defeating: love reaches inexorably into this realm, bringing out what can be redeemed, leaving mass to tear apart the personalities that conceived it.
This understanding is the shield that allows my heart to penetrate the darkness. Time and again, when confronted by those seeking to intimidate me, I open my heart and light pours out, driving the corruption away.
But all that I can do is gather the elements that are harbored within my Beloved. All of time and space lives within her. Thus, last week, she came to me as Prajnaparamita, the feminine field upon which reality flows forward. Seeking to anchor herself to the outcome that I serve, the deity prompted me to enumerate her expressions. Babbling about “being just a boy,” there followed a list: woman, love, life, meaning, joy, truth, time and space.
And sacrifice.
In examining her, I glimpsed the precursor reality, a reality assaulted by those that sought to corrupt her. I witnessed her tender resolution to allow that impulse to be expressed. Eve in the Garden appeared as the echo, recognizing that Adam needed to minister to the serpent. Rather than surrendering naively to its blandishments, Eve acted intuitively, taking its evil into her so that it could be redeemed. Just so, in that era before time and space as we know it, the Divine Feminine received evil into herself.
We are her medicine.
This has driven sexual consummation out of our visions. Having received the Tree of Life, the occupants are resistant to the disruptive force of orgasm. Rather, they wish to take harbor in her, encouraging our intimacy only to the degree that it facilitates a search within her for the Good. Our anticipation of the joy that follows orgasm was countered by the demand that rather we begin to harvest.
As it is described in Revelation 19, “For she has dressed herself in White Linen – white linen standing for the good deeds of the saints.”
This is my work – to look within her, using fingers and skin and muscle and all the rest of the organic assemblage to call out from her what will gratefully honor the harbor that she provides. To dress her in gratitude. To stabilize the intentional field while her generous heart organizes it into glorious raiment.
Just two nights ago, then, when she came to me as I lay down to rest, my heart surged within my chest, and I realized “It wants to be with you. You take better care of it than I do.”
Lead me into you, beloved. It is the only reward that has, any longer, meaning to me.
