Too Much Fun

We had an “intimate” gathering at Santa Barbara Dance Tribe yesterday. Most of the crew was holding down a dance space at Lucidity in Carpenteria.

That was probably the best for me. As I get older, the damage I do to my joints doesn’t recover overnight. Everyone has a stronger side, but after decades of tennis and basketball, my right tends to overwhelm my left. This has been showing up in my left ankle, which has borne the brunt of leaps and spins that should be stabilized in my hips and knees. It was beginning to fall apart.

I’ve been trying to activate the weak muscles in my left hip and calf. That’s allowed my ankle to recover, but it’s still sensitive, so yesterday I spent a good portion of the dance just trying to walk with my left foot pointed in the same direction as my right foot, or doing dips standing on one foot at a time. Frustration set in more than once – I just couldn’t find the muscles on the left side that the right wide was using.

I mean, is learning to walk really that complicated? I guess I forget.

The music was all vinyl, offered by Mark Metz who had come down from Berkeley. Up until the last fifteen minutes, I had only gotten wound up once, and then he put on Phil Collin’s “Sledgehammer.” I had a good time interpreting┬áthe lyrics, but found myself wondering why I was getting into this patently licentious song. Then the music shifted into the last bridge, and my kinesthetic memory activated:

I kicked the habit (I kicked the habit)
Shed my skin (Shed my skin)
This is the new stuff (This is the new stuff)
I go dancing in, (We could go dancing in)
Oh won’t you show for me (Show for me)
I will show for you (Show for you)
Show for me (Show for me), I will show for you

Yea, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do mean you
Only you, you’ve been coming through
Going to build that power
Build, build up that power, hey
I’ve been feeding the rhythm
I’ve been feeding the rhythm
Going to feel that power, build in you

Tender ankle forgotten, I sang along; pinwheeling and spinning; reaching up into the sky and throwing down; crouching and spreading the love across the ground.

It was light, that new stuff I dance in, just all over my body. It felt so wonderful!

And I’m not paying for it today – at least, not too much.

Magnificence

She came to me this morning with a passionate, healing warmth. Our dreams tumbled through postures of intimacy, until it occurred to me that pleasure was nature’s trick on women, the bait used to tempt them into surrender to masculine wildness. It is time for that trick to be redeemed in trust, so as she rode on me I washed her with waves of healing energy, waves rising and falling as she rose and fell, until she was overcome and lay vibrating in my arms.

In that surrender she passed away from herself into an emptiness that forbade my entry. As I crept around its borders I discovered women, women arrayed in a shell, a shell annealed of the pride that resisted true sisterhood.

She returned to me enlarged, cocooning me in her soul as I imagined her in my arms. This certainty of security swept through me, and I found myself in contemplation of her.

The strong legs that carry her across the world, and the delicate toes that tenderly root in the biomes that attend her arrival. The hands and fingers that vibrate with awareness on all sides, gliding through water and air to signal caring and joy. The ovaries that offer new possibilities, and the womb in which they attain realization. The mouth that receives sustenance, the lungs and digestive system that process it, and the outward return of waste that enriches the soil and air for plants. The eyes, ears and nose that receive adoration, the voice that sings in praise. The hair that protects the vault of her mind by entangling contrary personalities. The skin that wards danger yet thrills to tenderness.

And myself, the humble tool of her self-creation, looking down the trail of time that stretched behind her, realizing that I had never been in control of this process. By all the common measures I have achieved and experienced nothing, but this was worth living for.