Love is the anchor of mental well-being. To be loved – for someone else to conform themselves in service of your fulfilment – is to know that you exist. To love – for the beloved to testify “Thank-you for loving me” – is to know that you have meaning. In this circulation, we secure the conviction that we will not be alone in the struggles that life forces upon us.
Thus, in the afternoon of the events of Co-Creation, I was emotionally overcome by her observation, “How can they say that you are not working, when you spent all day in therapy with me?” To provide space for integration, I turned to Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos and a Tchaikovsky violin concerto.
Somewhere in the recitation, the Tree of Life interposed.
In my conception, the Tree represents the interdependency of organic existence, anchored at the trunk by the green things, raising up through the invertebrates until the branches spread to support vertebrate classes that leaf into species. In Five-Rhythms dance celebrations, the Tree reveals itself in my meditations. In the container most often frequented, I eventually realized that I was navigating through the throng, pausing at each cluster of women to raise my hands, projecting the Tree for inspection.
The only obvious response was from a young member of the Sisterhood, who gestured authoritatively at the ground. The Tree bloomed, raising over the gathering until, in the foliage, I perceived the loving saints wounded by rejection. With three agonized cries, the vision dissolved.
When I completed my exegesis of John’s Revelation, I understood the association. The Tree of Life of Revelation 22 is the Bride. The twelve fruits are the stars in the crown worn by the Sacred Mother in Revelation 12. The leaves “heal the nations.”
Consistently, then, when receiving authentic witness of my virtue from women – usually in the form of sexual invitation – over the last decade, I have presented my vision of the Tree, waiting for someone to engage with it.
In the meditation with Lauren, this advanced further. Visualizing its manifestation through her, I raised my palms from the ground to the heaven. Her toes stretched downwards into the earth. Legs drew power upwards. Arms stretched as branches. The mane of hair floated upwards as foliage. All of this was possible through her surrender to healing intentions.
But it wasn’t the culmination.
I woke in the early hours of the morning. Something was moving over her. Starting in the chest, our muscles flexed in waves. The sensations were not sexual or even sensual. I felt heat rising in my core. There was no sense of threat, just implacability. After fifteen or so of these, confusion took hold. In response to her wordless plea, I babbled aloud “You’re doing something new. You’re doing something new.”
The Tree entered the field of our struggle. Keeping her mind in the shelter of my heart, she extended her crotch towards the trunk. Momentarily dumb-founded, I recovered to announce, “It wants to come inside.”
She accepted. It inverted, ascending through her womanhood, rising up through her torso, filled by the trunk. Then the branches stretched down her arms and up through the pathways of her mind. Twigs budded into leaves, stretching from her fingers and through her hair.
A brief pause as the energies harmonized with her personality, broken by the entry of the root system, stretching through the cauda equina down into the legs. Sensitive toes spread gracefully as the flow entered the subterranean realms.
Bearing witness to the integrity of her personality, I held space during her spiritual expansion before drifting into sleep.
Then waking to silence.
Mystery had what she wanted. A barrier had been established. Lauren no longer needed me.
Ok. How to respond? The morning hours were a feeling for a way out of the cave.
“You know, the Tree is a conception of my mind. I can reclaim it.”
Lauren found a toehold in the thread of her intentions. This was her choice, originating in hopes that were incompatible with royal privilege. All of life deserved love. All of it.
“What do I tell them?”
“Invite them to participate in the manifestation of your intentions.”
Bride captures queen.

Just taking the long view (I mean – the long, long, long view), I consider the time-scale of the cosmos and the saga of biological evolution and we have the precious experience of living in this 10,000 year period in which our intelligence and the natural resources stored up from the past are available for us to do really deep work on our personalities. Simply to be alive in this time is such an incredible gift – to be able to play at being a creator, each in our own limited way.
Even if only to be able to plant a field, or tend a herd, or write a blog. Even if only to be the voice that reminds “There are still problems to be solved” in a way that motivates others to seek for solutions. Not to place fault, but to exhort greatness in others – to guide them into the only form of self-creation that opens to God.
Yes, the window is closing, as it was prophesied in Revelation. No, it’s not the fault of any single individual, and if we collectively had been more considerate of the forms of life that occupied the planet before us, maybe it wouldn’t be so traumatic. But that’s not under my control, so the question I constantly confront myself with is: what am I doing with my opportunity? Am I offering my creative capacities in the service of Life, or do I expect Life to serve me? Because when I finally lose my grip on this body, it is Life and Love that awaits to embrace me with the eternal embrace, if only I know how to receive it.